COUPLES THERAPY
​RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING

Being in relationship is one of the most profound
​and intimate experiences of one's life. 

​Relationships can also be heartbreaking. 

Arguments, miscommunication, unhealthy expression of anger, unconscious patterns of relating, and past relationship experiences and injuries make you turn away from each other leaving you both feeling sad, alone and stuck. 

Does this sound like you?

  • Your longing for greater connection with your partner seems to put pressure on the relationship and creates more distance. 
  • The things you once found funny or adorable about your partner are now the things that irritate and upset you.
  • The stress and overwhelm of two demanding jobs, parenting, and keeping up with household chores and responsibilities leaves you exhausted and with little time left over to engage with your partner in the way you want. 
  • You and your partner feel stuck having the same argument over and over again and exasperated you can’t resolve it. 
  • The intensity of your recent arguments scare and confuse you: how do small disagreements spiral out of control? 
  • You have drifted apart and you feel like two roommates sharing a house. You want to learn how to reconnect and be intimate again.
  • The differences between you and your partner, such as cultural norms and family expectations, are putting stress on your relationship. ​

If this resonates with you, I can help you. 

No matter how you define your relationship — dating, living together, engaged, married, life partners; straight, queer, traditional, unconventional; as well as, siblings and parent-child — our need for love and connection is the same. So too, are the issues that challenge the relationship bond.
I work with opposite-sex, queer, and interracial/multiheritage couples. I have extensive experience helping partners/couples from the Indian/South Asian Community. (Read more below.)

The Cycle  
​It feels like déjà vu. 

1. Your partner does the thing.
2. Then, you react and say the thing. 
​3. Before you know it, the two of you are having a fight. You are repeating that painful argument that leaves you both feeling disconnected, frustrated, and alone.
One of you tries to communicate your feelings and wants more than anything for your partner to understand you. To finally get you. To see what you crave, more than anything, is connection and comfort. You are hurt and angry when your partner reacts like you are “too much”.

One of you doesn’t know what to say. It’s like your brain goes blank. You feel misunderstood and sad when your partner thinks you’re shut down or you don’t care. Actually, you care so much, and that’s why you freeze up. You are worried about getting it wrong and being "not enough”.

Let's Stop the Cycle  
I help you identify and understand how each person's core vulnerabilities interact to thwart empathy, stoke destructive communication and conflict, and foment distrust, alienation, anger, shame, and a loss of intimacy. 

​I help you recognize unhealthy patterns that may be getting repeated in the relationship. Together we identify the optimal level of togetherness and separateness and how to set boundaries. You learn how to communicate needs and feelings and listen with curiosity and empathy, so both of you can engage safely and feel heard. With curiosity and empathy, you are able to turn towards one another to foster intimacy, connection, and resilience. So your relationship can bloom.

Special Expertise: Therapy for Indian and South Asian Couples
​Let's face it: relationship stress exists in all couples regardless of ethnicity, gender, race, culture, etc. No matter how the partners identify, the pressures are similar. For example, when a couple welcomes a child into their home, they have to juggle being new parents with work, managing the household, finances, connecting with one another, leisure time and personal interests,  and other commitments and responsibilities.  

​Yet, the cultural expectations, traditional norms, and family systems in which the individual partners were raised are an important context which influence their beliefs about parenting, ​communication style, gender roles, expectations for closeness and intimacy, household management, and the role of in-laws and extended family members.

​​​As an Indian immigrant, I have an innate sensibility and understanding of the South Asian cultural context. As a couples therapist, I have extensive experience working with people who identify as South Asian (i.e., from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Sri Lanka, etc.) or members of the Indian Diaspora (i.e., grew up in America or another country with Indian parents/ancestors).
While each person has unique experiences and each couple has a unique relationship, my clients appreciate my knowledge, experience, and insights of South Asian customs, beliefs, and attitudes. I have experience working with people whose families arranged their marriages, as well as, people who dated and got married on their own. My cultural awareness is an integral aspect of our work allowing you and I to focus on the relationship without you having to educate me about your culture. 

People in interracial/multiheritage relationships face even greater challenges as family expectations and societal and cultural norms put pressure on the partnership. Cultural differences can lead to people feeling misunderstood and marginalized, and within an intimate relationship, the partner feeling deeply hurt, vulnerable, and alone. A social justice framework and my clinical expertise working with South Asian and American couples allows me to help partners understand, appreciate, and bridge differences.  In our work, you gain insights about how the differences enrich and strengthen the relationship, and learn how to support and honor each other’s identities and values to increase closeness and deepen your bond. 

Some relationship topics couples discuss with me
Building Healthy Interdependence
Caring for Elderly Parents
Communication and Assertiveness
​Creating Work-Life Balance
Cultivating Empathy
Discussing Past Hurts and Finding a Path Forward
Fostering Intimacy
Grief and Loss​
​Honoring Partner's Cultural and Racial Identities
Life Transitions (e.g. becoming parents, empty nest)
​Navigating Family Relationships and Expectations
Parenting Stress
Premarital Counseling
​Repairing and Rebuilding Trust
Kavita Comoglio, MA, LMFT 119728
​Online Therapy for Adults and Couples in California
Phone: 510.629.0131
​​©2014-2023 Kavita Comoglio All rights reserved
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