Imposter Syndrome, Women & STEM

Feeling anxiety and a lack of confidence at work or in college is fairly common. You may feel you have gotten in over your head with a new project and feel uneasy under the expectant eyes of the boss and team. But feeling like you are a fraud or an imposter is different from having self-doubt. This experience is called imposter syndrome.

What is Imposter Syndrome?
An impostor is someone whose identity is greater than their capabilities. They are pretending to be better than they are. Impostor syndrome is when your capability is greater than your identity; in other words, you are better than you think you are. Imposter syndrome is a cognitive distortion leading to constant anxiety from the worry of being discovered a fraud. This distorted perception causes chronic anxiety, insecurity, stress, dread, and fear of failure, and holds people back from participating more fully in their lives. While men and women and people from all backgrounds may experience imposter syndrome, in my therapy practice, it shows up among women in STEM careers.

Some Symptoms of Imposter Syndrome

• Self-doubt and dismissing your own competence and intelligence
• Perfectionism - overachieving and overpreparing to overcome perceived deficiencies
• Lack of pride in own success, undervaluing accomplishments and deflecting praise, attributing to external factors
• Sabotaging your own work for fear of success to avoid higher expectations
• Fear of not living up to expectations, disappointing others (people pleasing), and being shamed
• Burnout from pushing yourself too hard to overcome self-doubt and perceived incompetence
• Usually shows up in STEM fields such as engineering and computing

​When I see clients with imposter syndrome in therapy, they are smart, sharp, and tech-savvy women, who are usually flowing with confidence, yet are struggling in their workplace. These are the women who were ruining the class curve in math and physics classes. Yet, according to Pew Research Center, women remain underrepresented in engineering (15%) and have declined in computer occupations: in 1990, 32% of workers in computer occupations were women; today, women make up 25%. Women in the STEM workforce often experience symptoms of imposter syndrome, which may be the result of a combination experiences. 

• Family emphasis on achievement - parents providing or withholding affection and approval based on achievements (people pleasing behavior)
• Childhood mixed messages - ambivalence of family members and educators, encouraging girls who show strong math and science ability and abandoning them at even the slightest wobble (whereas sons are supported to keep at it), girls learn they need to be perfect
• Gender bias - skepticism and doubt, as well as gender bias, of professors, recruiters, and managers. Women are not affirmed in their tech ability, unlike men, who receive plentiful external validation, explicitly and implicitly. Rather, women are repeatedly challenged to prove their abilities and qualifications. For example in tech, men are presumed to be coders, but women coders are presumed to be graphic designers or marketers. It takes a lot of energy to maintain confidence in the face of stereotypes and biases that minimize, of flat-out disregard, their competence and credentials. 
• Lack of empathy - parents, siblings, and partners express their frustration and annoyance over wasted potential and admonish women to ‘stop getting in your own way' and 'become more confident.’ Women are compared to men and their overconfidence in their abilities. Whereas overconfident men are looked upon favorably, overconfident women tend to be perceived negatively by both men and other women. Some may even be told, 'I told you so' by family members, who are critical of women entering a STEM career, quick to point out they were proved right, rather than being supportive.

These are some factors that contribute to women developing a distorted perception of their capabilities and come to feel like imposters. Furthermore, anxiety around feeling an imposter can amplify those feelings more and chronic stress can lead to health issues, skewed work-life balance, and declining performance.

How Therapy Can Help
If you are suffering from imposter syndrome, you are not alone. In the safety of the therapy space, exploring the ways it shows up for you and understanding the unique set of experiences that led you here is the first step in managing and overcoming the anxiety and insecurity you feel. The therapy space is a non-judgmental and nurturing space where you can develop a more accurate perception of your abilities and manage distortions. Attuning to yourself is an essential step towards building an authentic and fulfilling relationship to your work. 

People develop a sense of self, heal, and change in relationship with someone who is available, empathic and attuned to them. The experience of being in a compassionate, kind, and authentic relationship with a therapist provides a path to understanding the roots of people pleasing behavior. The therapy space is a non-judgmental and nurturing space to experience new ways of relating without taking care of the other person in the room. The therapy relationship itself changes the people pleasing behavior. 

Changing people pleasing behavior requires a gradual shifting in your internal landscape.